Reality Check and what I SHOULD have done about it

I complain sometimes (not ALL the time I hope since I like to think of myself as a glass is half full kind of girl) that my work is hard. Emotionally it's difficult. Mentally it's difficult. After last week which was one of the worst work weeks I have had for a while I started asking myself (again) the question of "can I fight with people for a living for the rest of my working life"? I'm not certain I will. The alternative however, is not as clear.

It was only a four day week and I got to spend the three day weekend in one of my favorite places in Washington State - Chelan.


I came back tired but recharged and felt as though I could take on what I figured would be another tough week. Monday and Tuesday were about what I expected but Wednesday was a lot easier than I had planned. As I was leaving the courthouse after my hearing (where opposing counsel didn't yell profanities at me like he did last week - that's moving in the right direction) I heard a commotion near one of the entrances. A woman was in hysterics and was crying and out of control with what I figured out eventually was panic. She had a small child and a service dog with her and the Marshalls and security personnel were assisting her in calming down in a friendly and helpful if not compassionate manner. It made me slow my step a bit to see what was going on because compassion (unless it is protection of me. THANK YOU SNOHOMISH COUNTY MARSHALLS!!!) isn't normally something you see from courthouse personnel.

What I pieced together was this woman had been on the bus and she had $300 cash on her somewhere and the cash disappeared. I don't know what the money was for but it very clearly was enough to send her into a serious spiral so it evidently was important. My heart totally broke for her. Her daughter was watching her and was clearly scared. People around her didn't know how to help her. I didn't either so I walked by.

It made me realize that my life is pretty cushy. Sure, I work hard and I worked hard to get to where I am and misplacing $300 would be very upsetting, but I also know this woman's difficulties were far greater than anything I can really imagine for myself at this point in my life. I looked at the rest of my day in a far different way.

In hindsight I wish I would have stopped and given her the money. It would have been a sacrifice for me to do it but it would have put the woman's world back upright. Who knows what that act would have meant to her. I feel really bad now that it was only in reflecting on her desperation that the idea crosses my mind. I wish I could turn back the clock and fix the problem for her.

Today I'm on the lookout for a way to correct my miscue. Jesus told us that when we ignored the poor and the hungry we basically were ignoring him. I did that yesterday and I know better. Clearly I need to focus on remembering what we have been commissioned to do for our fellow man.

Small Blessings

Today I experienced one of those small blessings that you have to appreciate because of the help they give you in your life. On my way home for lunch I had to stop suddenly to avoid a construction vehicle that figured it could cut in front of me even though it was driving at about 1/3 of my speed (grumble grumble). I didn’t think anything of it except that it was annoying.

When I got back into my car after lunch it smelled like I had left a piece of fruit in my car which had heated up from the sun during the 45 minutes or so that I was home. I couldn’t figure it out because I had taken my mango into work with me this morning which was the only fruit I remembered having in my car but Moxie’s hammock was in the backseat so I just figured it must have had something to do with it.

As I pulled into the parking lot at work it suddenly hit me that it smelled like fermented grapes – aka wine. Then it hit me even harder that I had four magnum sized bottles of wine in my trunk that I was returning to Rotary this evening. Suddenly, panic ensued and I began to sweat. Anyone who knows me knows my vehicles are sort of my babies. I still own and protect my first vehicle – a 1989 Jeep Cherokee with over 200,000 miles on it named Babe, and I love my Volvo, Lucy Lou, just because I do. It’s my dad in me and it will never change.

Anyway, I quickly did inventory in my mind of what kinds of wine were in the box and I realized there were three reds and one white. I began praying frantically that it was a white that broke. It would still take some cleaning but at least it wouldn’t cause a stain. I knew it wasn’t likely given the odds but I asked God to have had a hand in it. It seems like a minor thing but when your life is a little on the edge (as an example I just got rid of a 5 day headache which I’m pretty sure was at least partially stress induced) having a huge red wine stain in the trunk is not something you need. I opened the trunk with one eye open and thank you Lord – it was the white!!!

Just writing this here makes me breathe a sigh of relief.

We are so lucky to have a God who blesses us – even in the little stuff.

For My Love

I’ve loved Bethany Dillon for a number of years now. I was surprised to be reminded that her first album came out in 2004 but reflecting back on my life that makes sense with what was going on at the time I fell in love with it. She was 15 at the time but yet still seemed to hit a spot in my heart that caused me to relate to her music in a profound way.

Lately, a lot of my single women friends and I have been talking about our desires to be pursued by a man who could or has fallen in love with us. For some reason, God has placed a desire in our heart for that pursuit – and I think if men where to truly listen to the longings of their hearts they would realize they wish to be the pursuers.

It’s frustrating when time and time again we see that pursuit fail. So many men in this world are afraid to be men and to take the risk that is involved to pursue something or someone who they admire. It is a source of utmost frustration for many (frankly all) single women in my life. Where are the men who are able to truly be the men God has created them to be? Why are we stuck on the side wishing they would step up? Call us old fashioned, call us backward – maybe we are in this world. But my Christian women friends don’t want to live as though we are part of this world. We want to live in a way that we reflect what God has created us to be, and part of that is a submissive wife. I know many people reading this cringe at the word “submissive” and to be honest, it’s a mite bit hard for me to type. But submission doesn’t mean insignificant or inferior. It means treasured, honored and honoring. I want to respect my husband more than anything else and I want him to love me more than anything else. That’s all any of us are looking for – but to get there one must be pursued.

The song For My Love by Bethany Dillon came on while my dad and I were working around my house yesterday and I was reminded of something I read about the song when it first came out. Thankfully I was able to find it again. I had this taped to my mirror for a long time and I think it’s time to put it back up there again as a reminder of what I truly long for. I love that she not only says she longs to be pursued but that she longs to be RECKLESSLY pursued. That is the sign of a true man. Someday, I know God will bless me with a man who will see the value in me and will not be able to pass it up. I pray the same for all of my single women friends as we struggle through this time of questioning and frustration.

I love each of you and know God has the best planned for you. I can’t wait to see what exactly that is.

For My Love From an Interview with Bethany Dillon - It’s deeply rooted in every woman- the question; do I stand out in a crowd? The vision of someone walking across a room and asking me to dance plays over and over in my mind; out of the whole room, I was chosen. I’ll be honest, I’m fifteen, I have crushes. But more than whimsical feelings and fickle emotion, I really do want to be fought for. I long to be recklessly pursued. I’m looking for true love, something honest and untainted, with no hidden agenda but that it wants to chase after me.

I love Psalm 45: Listen to me, O royal daughter; take to heart what I say. Forget your people and your homeland far away. For your royal husband delights in your beauty.

That’s it! That’s what every chick flick revolves around, that’s what every romance novel is written about, those are the exact words that made me want to be a princess when I was younger. The sad reality is, though, that women often aren’t validated and reassured that they’re worth that kind of affection. It scars us in the deepest places and causes us to cover our mouths when we smile and hide who we truly are. But, that’s what I love about Jesus. He’s a husband to the widow, the freer of a captive heart.

Seattle spring mornings

Everyone is asked a time or two in their lives about their favorite time of year. I always unequivocally say it is Spring - in Seattle. In MN it was Fall. But in Seattle, despite the rain, it doesn't get any better in my mind. The trees and flowers blooming are out of this world. You actually get to see everything around you wake up. Yesterday was a crazy weather day here. We had beautiful weather for the four days or so before but then a storm blew in. It was a storm that isn't typical in the Pacific Northwest in that it included thunder and lightening. It was nothing like a Midwest thunder and lightening show (yes, it is more of a show than a storm back there) but it was fun anyway. I had a day at home and was happy for the deluge because it gave me an excuse to be in the house getting stuff done and taking care of my mental state. This morning when I walked out the door to take Moxie out I was hit by the beauty of the morning. The storm had passed, the sun was out, the air was cool, not cold, and so clean. It made me want to grab my cup of coffee and sit on the porch for an hour or two.

It's sort of an interesting metaphor for life really and that's why I like Spring so much I think. You go through the storms of winter where you are whipped around and jumping at loud and unnerving sounds but then the storm blows through and what you are left with is a crisp, beautiful, new day.

Moxie's First Hike

I have a Minnesota trip to write about but I had to share my last weekend because it can be quick and MN won't be. Jon, Jeanette, Theresa and I took Moxie on her first hike. I figured she would go maybe half an hour and then be tired but she made it a full three miles (with very minimal carrying from me)!! I was SUPER impressed and relieved since I was beginning to wonder if she would be a hiker like I hoped she would be. I know she is only 15 weeks but I'm impatient! :) The hike was flat and shaded, two very important factors, but we are heading in the right direction. She is a total trooper.